Toxic! Toxic! Return to your vehicles!

Finally read White Noise last week. Suburban refugees getting chased back and forth by a deadly cloud. Funny funny stuff. Little did I realize how hard it was to get the attention of a toxic airborne event when your really need one.

Spent last night from dusk to dawn putting pasta and steak sauce in double sets of NYLOFUME® bags (“to protect food and other commodities during fumigations with VIKANE® gas fumigant”). The natural gas was shut off on shedule, fine fine. And then exterminators arrived. We discussed hiding places for the keys. We checked around downstairs.

Of them asked about the trench. There was very clearly no trench. “Mire” said another of the men below the deck pointing at the area where a trench would have gone. “Todo el esto aquí.”

They kind of implied that maybe I should really be getting to work on that trench. And that ivy. In fact I had better seriously buckle down with a damn sharp hoe if I was going to get that ivy cut back in good time, they implied.

“Trench?” I implored.

It was no good. We were trenchless. The sandbags would roll away. A seal could not be made. The poison would just fitter away, killing something without any measurable return on investment. Pointless.

The four of them sat on the curb, eating pistachios, one of them on a cell phone trying to work the angles. I listlessly sealed up the last of the NYLOFUME® bags, just in case. Like laying out victory champagne for a candidate who was clearly loosing…. An hour later they left. They had a sense of resignation, and a little pity.

We do not get our toxic cloud.

The lake we’re going to at allows boats and watercraft with their economy-boosting fluids and beneficial synthetic secretions. However the flesh of mortals is not to touch the water. Swimming is forbidden. ├é┬íNinguna Natación Aquí! The water is for drinking.

What if you throw up while on your watercraft? I don’t know who to ask about this. But I do know that while we are out, our trusty double-layered NYLOFUME® will keep our food, feed, drugs and medicinals sealed away from any wayward poisons.